“The accused stands here today, charged of the most heinous of crimes.” The District Attorney pronounced to the judge.
“What have I done?” Shouted Bob in confusion.
“Crimes that will leave a dark blemish on society now and for future generations.” The D.A. continued.
“I have done nothing!” Bob screamed in growing fear.
A gavel struck hard wood as the judge admonished, “Sir, control your client.”
“Crimes that strike at the very heart of our society.” The D.A. spouted dramatically.
Bob slammed his fist on the stand and yelled defiantly, “I have committed no crime!”
The Judge pounded the gavel repeatedly. “Order!”
While the District Attorney plowed through the fury. “You sir, are accused of being vulgar!”
Bob slumped down in the chair behind him, a mixed look of pain and confusion covered his face. “Vulgar? He whimpered softly. “You accuse me of being vulgar? Why? What have I done to be accused of such a crime?”
The D.A. sneered at him in disgust. “Because you are vulgar, Mr. Smith. You are a man who is : of or relating to the common people – plebian. Generally current – public. Of the usual, typical, ordinary kind.”
Upon hearing this, the Defense Attorney argued, “My client is a patriot of the country! He is both unusual and extraordinary.”
“I will prove it.” Countered the District Attorney. “Mr. Smith, Do you own a Toyota Echo?”
Bob stammered, “Y-y-yes. I do.”
“Plebian.” Stated the D.A. “Are you on Facebook?”
Bob swallowed hard. “Yes I am.”
The D.A. scowled. “Current and public. Do you not live in the suburbs, work as middle management , and wear kakis?”
Bob hung his head in defeat. “Yes I do.”
“Then you admit to being Vulgar.” The D.A. demanded.
The Judge stood up. “Mr. Smith, you have been found guilty of being vulgar. In a week’s time, you shall be executed by lethal injection.”
Bob looked at the ground and replied softly, “How vulgar.”